I know moving won't magically make my life better, but I guess at this point, I don't see the harm in believing that it will.
I've lived in the Phoenix, Arizona area all my life. Aside from four years of living in Flagstaff for university, which is just over 100 miles north of Phoenix, I've spent my whole life evaporating away in this hellscape of a desert. So doing the math, that's a grand total of 25 years of being roasted alive by how much the sun spites us, here. Plus side? I'm still alive, so take that, Mother Nature.
Where I live was never much of a thought in my life until I started getting closer to 30, feeling the desire to create more stable connections, and feel like I have roots in the place I want to call home. I always knew Phoenix wouldn't be home forever, but the thoughts of leaving became too loud to ignore when I moved to an area in the city where I thought I'd be happier, and I'm still...not happy. Don't get me wrong, I love the friends I've made here, and the family members (that I still talk to) that still live here. However, I can't shake the feeling that I don't have a foundation, here. I've had to fight tooth and nail to feel like I even have some sort of tie to this city, and even then, most days, I feel incredibly isolated.
"But Jeff, have you tried-" yes, I have. "Okay but why don't you-" yep, already did that. "Have you considered that-" dear reader, I've tried it all. Even my therapist said something along the lines of "I've watched you try so hard to fit in here and none of it has gone the way you want it to." I'm not here to justify why leaving my hometown is the correct choice, and I'm not here to (entirely) talk crap about where I grew up. This city is gorgeous in all its own ways, but I'm not here to explain to anyone why it's no longer for me.
I'm here to talk about Seattle.
on top of my already existing depression. It’s not always easy to turn these steps into a routine, but with a lot of practice, I’ve been getting better at recognizing when my thoughts and feelings are stemming from depression, and these practices have definitely helped stabilize my mood on days where it’s in the dumps.
After a nice, long-time-coming, well-deserved trip to Disneyland with a good friend, I feel the clutter in my mind put into neat little drawers, ready to tackle the big things I have coming up!
It feels good to get all of this out there. It feels good to truly manifest the growth I want to see in my life. I hope to see you cheering me on, as I continue to work for it.
Learning to care for myself as a content creator has been one of the longest, most arduous journeys I’ve ever faced, and to be completely honest, it will probably be a constant one. It’s one thing to worry about the variable income that comes from full-time, independent content creation, and it’s another to worry about the mental weight of not only that, but everything that comes from being in a space that gets inherently looked at as competitive. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming, that I can’t even begin to think about how to grasp that weight, and throw it out of my mind.
2020 was a mess. We can’t ignore that fact, but that doesn’t mean we can’t go into this new year with a sense of hope.
Though Thanksgiving has some problematic historical contexts, I still enjoy taking today to take stock of what's going on in my life, and noting all the things I'm thankful for. It's magical for the brain, and so helpful for reminding us what's important in our lives.
Things have been...pretty weird, haven’t they? A little weird, very tragic, and I think we’ve all been thrown off-balance by what this COVID-19 pandemic has brought us. The one thing most of us can relate to is the struggles of being strapped to our homes, which, no matter who you are, does come with a …
Happy New Year, y’all. Go forth, kick some butt (metaphorically), and make this next decade the best one, yet.