The story behind this event is a fun one, so allow me to tell you how this weird, wacky brain child of mine landed a spot on the front page of Twitch.
Back in August of 2024, I did my first inaugural Silent Hill Summer Marathon, where I played all of my favorites of the Silent Hill series on my Twitch and Youtube channels. It’s my favorite horror series, and the absurdity of putting some of these horrific monsters in swimwear felt just like my kind of silly.
During this marathon event, I had an incentive where if we got enough subscribers on Twitch, I would do an event I’d call Silent Hill’s Drag Race. For the event, I’d put a bunch of the characters into a RuPaul’s Drag Race web-based simulator, and see who’d be crowned the next drag superstar of that ghost town. Combining my favorite horror series with an iconic display of queer entertainment felt like a perfect portrayal of my brand, and knowing I’d get to inject my storytelling capabilities into the event made the incentive even more juicy.
When we hit the goal, I was ecstatic. I knew I’d want to get Silent Hill’s Drag Race planned ASAP, especially with the hype from the Silent Hill Summer Marathon still going strong. It’s a project I knew I could pour my whole heart into, and I was bright-eyed and eager to do so when we hit the goal to make it happen in September.
Unfortunately, the momentum came to a shattering halt when I collided into the brick wall of getting dumped over text, making it hard to be passionate about anything other than recovering. He’s a story for another time, but after almost 3 months of passionate commitment, I think the way he dumped me says enough about him, for now.
I knew it would be a grueling task to mend a broken heart, but I didn’t expect the long-term burnout that it put me through. I took some days to curl into the corner of my couch, to really feel it and process the all-encompassing pain of a person you fell hard for letting you fall into the canyon forming between you. With full-time content creation not offering much compensation for mental health days, I knew I had to get back to work ASAP for the sake of paying bills.
The Twitch streams were fine after taking a few days to recoup. They felt back to normal, even. What didn’t come back to normal as quickly (to no one’s surprise) was my passion for doing anything more than the bare minimum to get by. Now that it’s been 5 months since the breakup, it really isn’t shocking that I was drained. Sure, I’m passionate about the work I do, and about spicing it up with special events like Silent Hill’s Drag Race, but it’s a lot harder to put that passion into practice when my heart and mind was burning through motivation faster than they could produce it.
A few months with weekly therapy appointments later, I found myself really wanting to get Silent Hill’s Drag Race up and running. I knew how to start planning, but while thinking about when I wanted to schedule the event, I saw that front page time slot requests were open for Twitch Partners. I had a request denied in the past for streaming ten hours of horror games, something I love doing, though it isn’t fully unique to my channel, but this next pitch was for Silent Hill’s Drag Race. Who else is doing that? They encouraged unique events that we don’t normally do on our channels, so I figured this was the best time to give my weird, wacky brain child the best chance at a huge spotlight.
I decided to post on Bluesky about a week later, letting everyone know that I requested a front page time slot for Silent Hill’s Drag Race, manifesting its presence on Twitch’s front page. As if God herself was sitting next to me on the Seattle light rail while typing up a social media post, that same evening that I posted it, I got the email confirming that it would happen Friday, March 28th at 12pm PDT.
I don’t always believe that everything happens for a reason, but I’m always going to embrace a moment where the stars align.
Maybe I could have been ready for this big event in October, but would I have believed in it enough? I fully stood by the idea, but with a drained heart desperately trying to fuel my creative spirit, would it have really gotten the best chance at success? I don’t know that I would have gave it a shot at being on the front page if I would have tried to do it sooner. When I was worn out from all of these feelings around a sweet romance turning bitter, I’m not entirely sure I would have given it my all to give this event the success it deserves.
It’s not because I don’t believe in myself. It’s not because I didn’t believe in my idea. It’s certainly not because I’d ever let a man get in the way of being successful. It’s because burnout is a parasite fueled by stress, and stress can come from all angles. We can only ignore it for so long before it feels like moving a mountain just to get our exhausted husks out of bed.
So much of my creative work is weaved together by my emotions. Going through a breakup comes with its own emotions that, sure, can inspire some powerful creative works, but carrying a broken heart is a strenuous task. Once I processed why each step jostled the wound around all over again, the exhaustion that remained left it hard to feel much about anything. I still had to feel enough to take care of myself, a cat, and continue to clock in the streaming hours that help pay rent, so what little feeling I had in a day was quickly used up by just being human.
If I’m not feeling, I’m not creating. If I’m not creating, I’m not feeling accomplished. This cycle continued until I healed enough to release myself from it, just in time for me to see the link to that form to request that Silent Hill’s Drag Race get a spot on Twitch’s front page.
It was truly on a whim that I thought “why not?” and sent in that front page request. Whether it was some cosmic force pushing me to fight for my dreams to come true or not, it feels intentional that it happened now, and not when I was fighting a broken heart’s undeniable weight throughout my body. I’m not saying you shouldn’t always fight for what you believe in, to fight for what makes you feel alive, but sometimes you truly just need to rest. The more you run yourself into the ground, the harder it is to see the light you bring to the world through your passions. You have to believe in that light, even when you think it’s fading, because the way it illuminates the world around you isn’t the same as anyone else’s.
I hope you join me on my Twitch channel on Friday, March 28th at 12pm PDT for this event. It took a fair amount of effort to get it here, and if you give me even just a minute of your time during that stream, you’ll see why I believe in it so much. It’s going to be silly, it’s going to be fun, and it’s going to be incredibly nerdy. The lore nerd in me is going to be on full display, all with the dramatic gay flair you’d expect from a season of RuPaul’s Drag Race.
I’m fully prepared to show you, and anyone who gifts me a bit of their time and attention, why I deserve this win. If anything, come prepared for a very unserious time that I’m sure will have us all laughing.
And if that’s still not enough, there will be eye candy, especially if you like buff monsters.
Jeff Brutlag 
Leave a comment