Jeff Brutlag

As queer people, we’re no strangers to the slurs people use to hold us down. I can’t even remember the first time I heard the f-slur (you know, the one that rhymes with maggot) because it’s been used around me, or directed at me as long as I can remember. Growing up in the suburbs of Phoenix, AZ introduced it to me at a very early age, and it contributed to the struggle to accept being gay. Even in my adult years, I’ve had a guy scream the word at me from their car. I’ve been in rooms where a friend of a friend used the word, and I had to come to my own defense because no one else did.

Needless to say, I have a lot of experience with the f-slur.

With the concept of reclaiming these slurs, which the LGBTQIA+ community did with the word “queer,” over time, something about hearing people, especially random trolls online, say the word indiscriminately helped me realize that it’s just a word, and I can decide whether or not it will hurt me. Mind you, I’m not saying that gives cishet people the freedom to use it as they please, but I, in my own perception of life, can decide that the word isn’t going to shatter my world and become a road block in being a successful queer person. It’s one thing if I’m being called an f-slur to my face by some stranger who looks like they’re about to throw a punch, but why would I let some random stranger on the internet, who’s most likely fermenting in their basement, hurt me with that word to the point where it ruins my day? I have too many goals to achieve. They’re not worth the time or energy to care about what they call me.

The idea of reclaiming the f-slur wasn’t always something I considered, but the more I saw fellow gays referring to themselves as such, the more I found it empowering, thinking of even using the word on myself. Cut to a tumultuous time on the gaming/streaming side of the internet, when Dr. Disrespect admitted to inappropriate conversations with a minor, and his weird fans were defending him, despite…admitting…to it. Anyway, I made a post saying how embarrassing it is to still defend him, so of course those weird fans were in my replies feeling attacked for some reason, one of them calling me “a faqqot with morals” sarcastically.

I laugh, and I don’t mean a little “teehee” sort of laugh. I openly cackled in my living room. If someone was walking by the apartment complex outside, they would have heard me through the open window. So because of the hilarity of this one weird troll, my mind got to work VERY quickly, and destiny found its way to me shortly after.

The excitement for this merch idea fueled me to get the design done as soon as possible, wanting to make it absolutely unserious and ridiculous while also putting my brand on it. The inspiration basically became “Pornhub logo, but put the JeffBrutlag spin on it” and thus, the design was born:

It was EXACTLY what I was hoping for, and guess what? It looks even better on merch. Check out the whole collection!

I hope you all enjoy this collection much as I had fun brainstorming it! It got enough hype to where I wanted to make sure it was done just the way I wanted it, and I’m incredibly proud of how it turned out.

When it comes to steeling ourselves against anti-queer attitudes, we’re all on a different journey. Should we have to steel ourselves? Absolutely not. The world should just be accepting of us, because ultimately, we’re just people. We have hopes, dreams, likes, dislikes, desire for love, desire for connection, and individuality that makes us human, just like our cishet counterparts.

However, the pursuit of happiness for us often means learning to see the hate we receive as willful ignorance, refusal to understand that which they do not, and quite frankly, a desire to live in misery. When the one and only thing an anti-queer person can use against us is a slur (which, don’t get me wrong, they shouldn’t be doing), calling yourself that word as a suit of armor beats them to the punch, taking their power to insult you away from them.

I’m not saying it’s the end-all, be-all to ending anti-queerness. I’m not going to say that hate can’t still escalate further than that in some situations, as some people’s desire to spread vitriol definitely won’t stop at a slur. What I will say though is that any amount of freedom from our fear of anti-queer people is worth the effort.

Reclaiming a slur in the name of steeling yourself doesn’t have to be for you, but the liberation it’s given so many of us queer people is undeniable. Whether or not you can get to that point is up to you, but no matter what, I encourage you to seek power over forces that want to keep you from expressing yourself, especially in a political climate that continues to antagonize the LGBTQIA+ community. Shoot, and if you can turn it into a money-making opportunity? Even better.

Did the guy who called me a slur figured all this would come out of it? Probably not, and that’s part of what makes all of this so, so sweet.